Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Food fail: The spaetzle noodles of doom.

Spaetzle noodles: 1, Jessica: 0.

The recipe was supposed to be so foolproof. Eggs + flour + milk. Sounds simple right? Then you find something with holes in it, press your dough through the holes into boiling water and presto! German noodles.


Awww...how pretty! Yeah, those are not my noodles.

What the recipe doesn't tell you is that when you combine eggs, flour and milk they form one of the stickiest substances known to man. A substance which refuses to be pressed through anything, much less something as small as the holes on a colander or cheese grater. There is no way. It took me five minutes just to scrub it off my hands using soap and hot water!

My second attempt at saving the noodles was to pinch off tiny balls of dough and delicately mold them into a noodle shape. This produced gross-looking wormlike noodles that were thick and chewy. Nope. No go.

So I give up! Does anyone know where you can buy a spaetzle maker? For serious people. Because unless there is some secret I am not getting, this is clearly your only option when making spaetzle.

Defeated by German food.

And if you want to laugh some more, you can check out how I was also defeated by macaroni'n'cheese! And if you're looking for our recipes that actually...you know...worked, you can find those here.



  1. This gave me a good chuckle.. I had the same experience with spaetzle last year!! I don't have any tips for you; just here to tell ya that I hear ya, girl! :)

  2. Hi,
    there are quite inexpensive spätzle maker out there (e.g. amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Norpro-3128-Spaetzle-Maker/dp/B00004UE89/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406361980&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=fackelmann+spaetzle). I have a slightly different one, but they don't seem to sell it in the US.
    A few tips: use a slightly corser flour if you can find that and sparkling water instead of milk. The dough has to be very sticky, but if you cannot handle it, it is fine to add slightly more water. Especially if you don't make them the traditional way (scraping tiny pieces of dough from a wooden board directly into the water using a knife), the dough can be slightly less solid. Recipes range from 500g flour and 6-8 eggs and 100ml-200ml water - so there is a certain range that will give you a nice result.

  3. A potato ricer can work as well, that's what I used. I did have issues with super sticky dough so next time I will try the previous commenter tips. It is super delicious though.

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